Learning About Love

One of the first classes I took at my church was a marriage repair weekend, sounds odd since I wasn't in a relationship, but my pastor encouraged singles to attend. It has been one of the best classes I have ever taken. While the retreat was focused on how to reconnect with your spouse it also addressed some of the things to look for in a Christian relationship. While it should go without saying that both people need to be Christians, that had never occurred to me before that (I was still a very new Christian). Then even further is they should be close to the same level of believing. Makes sense that it would be hard on a relationship if one person wants to go to church every weekend and the other only wants to go when they have nothing better to do. This also got into talking about how you should either be on similar paths in life or both willing and able to adjust paths. Does any of this mean you will have a perfect relationship? Not by a long shot, but it does make it more likely you will be able to weather the storms that come.

A concept that was talked about that weekend has really stuck with me. 'To love, honor and OBEY': Long ago my mother warned me to omit the word obey, and it seems to be mainstream in our society now to slightly change the vows so it never had to be said. I gotta admit, the concept of complete submission to my husband brought up mixed reactions in me; on one hand I had always been submissive in a bdsm sense, but on the other hand being submissive to anyone really went against my upbringing of being a strong independent female (and to say I can be headstrong is putting it mildly). In the news recently it was noted that in the royal wedding that the word obey had been replaced, that and some other things in my life got me thinking about this concept again. I have been engaged twice (though never married)  and I gotta admit the idea of ever obeying in those relationships would have never happened. I guess the word obey to me is equaled to trust, I need to be able to trust that the person that I submit to. For me now, I will refuse to get married until I have a relationship with that level of trust.

The other side about learning about love is learning to love myself. In high school I was always a little overweight, after high school though I started having real issues controlling my weight. Looking back this is also when my emotional health started taking a nose dive and I started looking for something to complete me. At one point in time a few years ago I was doing really well losing weight, but yet again another disappointing relationship put me back to self loathing and regaining the weight. It has taken me a long time to get to the point that my weight no longer determines my self worth. I still want to lose weight for both my looks and my health but it no longer determines my ability to be loved.

Now my challenge is trying to figure out how to connect again. In high school and as a young adult I was miss popularity, at some point I started pulling away from my superficial friends, to the point that by the time I became a believer I didn't have any left. As my healing process first started I was determined to become the extroverted girl I once was, turns out this is easier said then done. My big light bulb moment was in taking a healthy relationship class, the pastor made a comment that sometimes the most popular people feel most alone and that quite often they have the most superficial relationships. WOW talk about a smack in the face, this was me, I was the superficial one! So I want to get back to being extroverted but how do I do that without going back to the popular lonely girl I was? And how do I date? Dating for me always followed some sort of physical relationship, how do I start a relationship without getting physical? That was the part I knew, how do I start a relationship without that? I've never learned that!

Now it is really important to me, there is a guy at church that I want to get to know better. I think he may even be interested in me too, but I have the feeling that he may be going through some of the same issues. To top it off there is a deadline on figuring this out, he will be moving away for school soon. I don't know if he is coming back for summers or if he is coming back at all. I know it probably sounds like I should just move on seeing as how we have nothing started and for us to have something will be a challenge. But somehow I think this is the direction God is leading me in. I have now had 3 different people at church tell me that he would be perfect for me (this is after I noticed him, but before I had mentioned him to any of them) I have also had a lot of people pray for a husband for me when I have asked for prayer for things completely unrelated.